Review: ‘Kiya: Mother of a King’ by Katie Hamstead

Kita: Mother of a King

Nefertiti has forced Naomi to flee Amarna with Malachi and the three children. But even under the protection of Naomi’s family in Thebes, Nefertiti still hunts her and Tut. Nefertiti sends assassins to kill them, and while Naomi fights to protect the children, Malachi fights to keep her safe.

With three children in tow, one of which isn’t her own, she is labeled the harlot outcast wife of the pharaoh and is shunned. She isn’t safe among her own people, and flees from being stoned to death. Although her family protects her, she must find a way to survive.

While Naomi struggles to keep herself and Tut alive, old adversaries return as Smenkhkare takes advantage of Akhenaten’s ailing health. Naomi must rely on Horemheb’s promise to protect Tut’s birthright, but her feelings for Malachi could cause more problems with Horemheb than she expects.

By Aussie Author Katie Hamstead, this is the second book in the Kiya series, which follows the life of Naomi—known to the Egyptians as Kiya—after she flees the palace with her children following Queen Nefertiti’s latest assassination attempt.

I’ve quite enjoyed this series so far, although I found this book a little slower in places than the first one—Kiya: Hope of the Pharaoh. I suspect that’s an inevitable result of the relative lack of palace intrigue. Book two spends a lot more time focusing on Naomi’s new life (or return to her old one) as a Hebrew woman. Some of that, such as detailing various pregnancies and births, isn’t as gripping, but it’s also nice to see Naomi get some time living a life that makes her happy.

Then the fabulously sexy Horemheb comes back into her life, Tut gets dragged off to be a boy king, and Naomi’s life gets complicated again. Hooray!

Normally—almost 100% of the time—when I’m reading I find I’m attracted to the good guy in any love triangle. In this series, the good guy is Malachi, and Horemheb is the bad boy. But for some reason, in this I thought Horemheb was way more interesting than Malachi. The latter is strong and caring, but Horemheb is both of those things (to Kiya at least; to others he is cruel) and also very intelligent. I like a hot, smart man.

Or maybe I just go for the underdog. Usually the bad boy gets the girl, after all. 😉

I confess that one thing I really struggled with in Kiya: Mother of a King was a side-effect of the fact it’s historical fiction. Because 3000 years ago, women didn’t have rights. All the Hebrew men buying wives they’ve in some cases never even seen from those girls’ fathers made me cranky. (Of course, the Egyptian alternative of just taking them and raping them was worse.) In each instance in this book, the Hebrew men in question were all good husbands to their wives, but ugh!

At one point Naomi takes Malachi to task when he refers to her as his property, but for the most part even she—the strong-headed one, who used to be queen—is perfectly happy to see herself and other women bought and sold. I realise she simply doesn’t know any better, and maybe I’d be more used to the casual sexism if I read more historical fiction, but I wanted to shake some of the blokes till their teeth rattled.

Still, this is an interesting continuation of Naomi’s story. And if she doesn’t want Horemheb, can I have him?

Four stars


This Writer’s Space: S. T. Bende

This Writer's Space
Hei hei y’all! I’m S.T. Bende, and I’m lucky enough to write about drop-dead-gorgeous Norse gods, and the girls they dote on. This means I have to stare at lots of pictures of Alexander Skarsgard for inspiration. Not a bad gig, right? Here’s a little bit about me.

Where I Write

Thanks to my MacBook Pro, and a lack of dedicated writing space, I write wherever I can.Sometimes it’s at my kitchen table, sometimes it’s in a corner of the couch, and sometimes it’s tucked away in my favorite coffee shop. But because my books are rooted in Norse mythology, I always end up writing somewhere near my Norsk pillow. It’s cute. It’s comfy. And I made it my own self. I’m a wretched sewer, but it’s pretty much straight, and hasn’t fallen apart yet!! *beams*

Where I’m Inspired

Nature totally gets my creative energy flowing. I love hiking on Endor . . . okay, through the regular forest. But don’t those trees look like an Ewok could jump right out of them?  They’re so mysterious, I always imagine what could be hiding around them . . . and a lot of what I imagine makes its way into a book. 🙂 
And I LOVE throwing on my favorite hoodie and walking barefoot on the beach. This one’s in Northern Oregon, a few miles from the hometown of my Elsker Saga heroine, Kristia. It’s super peaceful, and keeps inspiring new stories.
And then there’s the ski slopes. *sigh* It’s summer in my hemisphere, and I’m itching to get back out there. Would you Aussies pretty please hit the slopes for me, and tell me all about it?

To Be Read

I’m a total techno-dolt. I still use a flip phone. #Truth And if you’d told me a year ago I’d be a nearly exclusive e-reader reader, I’d have bit my thumb at you. (Not really. I would never fail Emily Post like that. But I definitely would have giggled demurely behind my fan.) But the truth is, I’m just not that into clutter. And I like being able to bring ten books on a trip without taking up any room in my suitcase. So here is my TBR pile. And my favorite Reading Hat. It also doubles as my Thinking Hat, and my Cleaning Hat. Tiaras make everything more fun. Dontcha think?

Connect with ST Bende

The Elsker Saga’s Inga Andersson on Pinterest

Connect with Elsker’s Norse God of Winter, Ull

Facebook
Twitter

About The Elsker Saga

You don’t win the heart of an immortal assassin without making a few enemies along the way. Kristia Tostenson prefers Earl Grey to Grey Goose and book clubs to nightclubs, but when she transfers from her one-stoplight town to Cardiff University in Wales she falls in love with Ull Myhr. Her new boyfriend isn’t exactly what she was expecting. He’s an honest to goodness Norse God – an immortal assassin fated to die at Ragnarok, the battle destined to destroy Asgard and Earth. Kristia’s crazy visions are the only thing that can save their realms. Her orderly life just got very messy.

 


Top Ten Tuesday: Book Cover Trends

toptentuesday

This week’s Top Ten Tuesday subject is book cover trends I like or dislike (or both!). I’ve mixed it up, colour-coding accordingly. But I can only think of two trends that I really dislike, and one I’m sitting on the fence on. Although there are bad examples of every trend I’ve listed, I’m more predisposed to loving the others.

I haven’t listed ten trends, only seven. That being said, I’ve got twelve examples of those seven. That TOTALLY counts, right?

Decapitated models. I’m not talking about covers that only show one part of the body, but the ones where the model is visible except for his or her (or their) face, which is cut off by the top of the page. It’s particularly common in YA at the moment—a popular example would The Moral Instruments trilogy by Cassandra Clare. (Although they have chins, I guess…) I get why book designers do this—to let the reader imagine the character’s appearance—but usually it looks to me like they couldn’t find the right model or, in the case of simpler covers (usually self-published), didn’t have the skills to Photoshop any changes required onto the stock image.

City of Bones

Body parts. It may seem fussy of me to not like decapitated models but like covers with body parts, but I do. It’s a question of whether it looks unfinished or deliberate. Twelve Steps by Veronica Bartles is an adorable example of only showing the feet that I think was done well; Cinder by Marissa Meyer is great too.

FINAL Twelve Steps 1800 x 2700

Cinder

Models facing the other way. Another (IMO superior) way to not show the model’s face is to use stock where the model’s back is to the viewer. Ideally the thing they are looking at should also be interesting, and if they’re in a fabulous outfit all the better. The Archon by Sabrina Benulis is a good example of this. Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake is another. (Their hair is blowing the same way. What’s that all about?!)

The cover of Archon

Anna Dressed in Blood

Inexplicable formalwear. I love a good ball gown as much as the next girl. But when a story has a modern setting and not a prom in sight, why is the main character dressed in a gown on the cover? Fallen by Lauren Kate has such a cover (and also a model hiding her face, although at least it hasn’t been lopped off). It’s gorgeous, but left me scratching my head.

Fallen

Handwriting on a simple background. Although not my favourite cover type, this can be really striking when done right; at least, the covers certainly stand out. John Green’s The Fault in our Stars and J. K. Rowling’s The Casual Vacancy are both great, very distinct examples. I don’t know what Green’s other covers are like, but in Rowling’s case this style of cover tells the reader very clearly, “This isn’t Harry Potter!” It’s not my favourite cover (probably because of the colours) but I can see what it’s doing.

The Fault In Our Stars

The Casual Vacancy

Abstract covers. I LOVE abstract covers—especially combined with bright colours (either a little splash or a whole lot). Blackbirds by Chuck Wendig (in fact, all of the Miriam Black books) has a great cover. Take a close look: Miriam is flying apart, into dozens of birds. How awesome is that? I also love this edition of The Wild Girl by Kate Forsyth.

Blackbirds

TheWildGirl

Silhouettes. Often these covers are also abstract (have another look at The Wild Girl, above), but not always. Silhouettes are another great way to let the reader imagine the character for themselves while still showing them. For example, Graceling by Kristin Cashore or Santa Olivia by Jacqueline Carey. (Yes, I know the top of Loup’s scalp in that second cover is missing. But her face is still there.)

Graceling

Santa Olivia

What’s your favourite (or least favourite) cover trend?


Undercover with Sarah Tregay’s novel ‘Fan Art’ – and a giveaway!

Fan-Art-Banner

I listen to a lot of audio books, and from time to time I’ll read something on a Kindle. While both are convenient ways to get immersed in a story, I miss seeing the book itself. Because I am a graphic designer in my day job, I enjoy the little details in a printed book, such as the typeface, an illustration, or a beautiful chapter heading. Hardcover books are a treat because you can peek under the jacket and see the art on the binding.

So, in case you borrow a copy of Fan Art from your library or read it on your iPad, here is the art under the cover:

fan art blitz pic

Also, Melissa DeJesus did an amazing job illustrating the graphic short story within Fan Art:

fan art blitz pic 2

Blurb

When the picture tells the story…

Senior year is almost over, and Jamie Peterson has a big problem. Not college—that’s all set. Not prom—he’ll find a date somehow. No, it’s the worst problem of all: he’s fallen for his best friend.

As much as Jamie tries to keep it under wraps, everyone seems to know where his affections lie, and the giggling girls in art class are determined to help Jamie get together with Mason. But Jamie isn’t sure if that’s what he wants — because as much as Jamie would like to come clean to Mason, what if the truth ruins everything? What if there are no more road trips, taco dinners, or movie nights? Does he dare risk a childhood friendship for romance?

This book is about what happens when a picture reveals what we can’t say, when art is truer than life, and how falling in love is easy, except when it’s not. Fan Art explores the joys and pains of friendship, of pressing boundaries, and how facing our worst fears can sometimes lead us to what we want most.

Giveaway

Enter to win 2 signed ARC’s of Fan Art (US/CAN only)

About the Author

sarah tregayRaised without television, Sarah Tregay started writing her own middle grade novels after she had read all of the ones in the library. She later discovered YA books, but never did make it to the adult section. When she’s not jotting down poems at stoplights, she can be found hanging out with her “little sister” from Big Brothers Big Sisters. Sarah lives in Eagle, Idaho with her husband, two Boston Terriers, and an appaloosa named Mr. Pots. Her next book, Fan Art, came out on 17 June.

 Author Links:

Website: http://www.sarahtregay.com

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3413449.Sarah_Tregay

Twitter: @sarahtregay

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarahtregaybooks

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/sarahtregay/


‘Frozen’: story obstacles versus messages

Snowman THIS!

Snowman THIS!

I’ve got a friend who was ranting on Facebook the other day about Frozen. Not about the terrible ear-wormy nature of some of the songs (NO I DON’T WANT TO BUILD A GODDAMN SNOWMAN STOP ASKING!), but about the terrible parenting.

Now, I agree with her in a sense. Elsa and Anna’s parents were terrible. Their reaction to finding out their daughter was going to imperil their country if she didn’t learn to control her power was to lock her in her room, and then not explain why to their other daughter, thereby breaking them both. I wasn’t particularly sad for them when their ship sunk, although I was sad for their poor, unprepared daughters.

(Mind you, the trolls have to take a certain amount of responsibility here; they knew “love melts a frozen heart”, heard the father outline the plan of locking Elsa in her room, and didn’t object. If anyone was negligent in the back-story, it was them.)

However, this did secure prophesy’s traditional story role in Frozen. You know what I mean: X person (usually the bad guy but in this case Elsa’s parents) finds out about a prophesy and takes steps to stop it coming to pass, thereby guaranteeing it comes to pass.

Also, their reaction of hiding their “shame” was very culturally appropriate, if not healthy. Hell, people still do it.

Which brings me to the point of this ramble: sometimes readers or viewers see obstacles in a story—things that the author (or scriptwriter) does to make their characters’ lives hard and the story interesting—and mistake them for the message of the story. Frozen wasn’t advocating that parents lock their kids up to teach them self-control; it was showing the inevitable damage that results. It was providing the obstacle for Elsa and Anna to overcome.

On the other hand, the movie has some of the best messages I’ve seen in a Disney princess film to date. The princess is self-rescuing. The “true love” angle didn’t require a kiss from prince charming (or the ice farmer) to resolve; the important love was the one Anna had for Elsa. Plus there’s a message (in so many words) about how you can’t “fix” someone who’s broken, just support them and encourage them to do their best. That’s a far healthier message of romance than, say, Beauty and the Beast, where if you just love the awful, abusive person for long enough they’ll turn into a handsome prince.

Also, the idea that self-acceptance is the path to self-control and happiness (rather than fear and repression) is a good one.

Also, Olaf’s adorable. 😉

If I were going to poke one hole in Frozen (other than the annoyingly catchy songs NO I STILL DON’T WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN!), it would be the fact that when Elsa decided to “let it go”, her outfit suddenly got bizarrely sexy. If I were going to let it go, I’d look at trackies and a baggy jumper.

Is that just me?


‘Isla’s Inheritance’ is on Goodreads

Even though the subject says almost everything you need to know about the matter, I feel like I should write some extra words. So, yes, my very first book baby, Isla’s Inheritance, is on Goodreads. I don’t have a cover yet (when I do I’ll be organising a reveal; yay!) but there is a blurb. And I can pat the screen and stare at it like my dogs stare at us when we’re eating dinner. You can too, if you like. I don’t mind sharing.

Isla’s Goodreads page

The way I feel right now is really best said with animated gifs. Which is a sad state of affairs for a writer, but OMG!

I feel like this!

Rapunzel

And then I think of people actually reading it — after spending money on it — and I feel like this.

Sully faint

(I also feel sick, like I might throw up. But it’s probably best if we don’t animate that.)

Anyway, if you’re a Goodreads user and you want to add Isla’s Inheritance to your To Be Read shelf, I’d love you forever. Really. With hearts and chocolates*! ❤

*Chocolates may be claimed in person only.


This Writer’s Space: Julie Hutchings

This Writer's Space

Today I’m thrilled to have the fabulous Julie Hutchings here, one of the loveliest, bubbliest, most honest and most caffeinated people I’ve had the pleasure to meet on Twitter.

Where I Write

I cheated and sent two pics of my writer’s space. While that corner of my kitchen table is mine, all mine, and I love to write there, more often than not my actual writer’s space is one corner of the couch, with a four year old in my lap and my laptop nearly falling off the couch arm if not for part of that four year old holding it up with his shoulder or knee. Because I write where I can. Also, I’m sitting on about 6 pounds of graham cracker crumbs in this picture. Oh, the glamour!

Julie_write1

photo 2

Where I’m Inspired

This is a spot where I grew up, amongst a bunch of summer cottages right on the beach. That smell of the ocean, the silence — whether it’s a warm summer day or a cold fall afternoon, walking in a hoodie with a cup of coffee — it’s always perfect. It always makes me smile and know that I’m on the right track somehow. This is where I go when I need a real breather.

Julie_write2

To Be Read

Yeah, that’s most of my TBR pile. THE GIRL WHO FELL BENEATH FAIRYLAND by Catherynne Valente is screaming at me to read next. I freak out over the Sandman Slim series by Richard Kadrey. ON THE NATURE OF FAIRY TALES, a book from college I want to re-read for research. GREEN by Jay Lake again, because he was as wonderful a man as he was a writer, and I miss him. Kylie Chan, because of the awesome and she was a big influence on me writing the sequel to RUNNING HOME (which is looking at an August release!). THE WAITING by Joe Hart which has been waiting for me to read for too long. (Sorry to Joe, not sorry about the pun.)

photo 4

About Julie

Julie’s debut novel, Running Home, giving you vampires with a Japanese mythology pants kicking is available through Books of the Dead Press. (The sequel, Running Away, coming this summer!) Julie revels in all things Buffy, has a sick need for exotic reptiles, and drinks more coffee than Juan Valdez and his donkey combined, if that donkey is allowed to drink coffee. Julie’s a black belt with an almost inappropriate love for martial arts. And pizza. And Rob Zombie. Julie lives in Plymouth, MA, constantly awaiting thunderstorms with her wildly supportive husband and two magnificent boys.

How to connect with Julie:

undeadduo@hotmail.com
deadlyeverafter.com
facebook.com/deadlyeverafterblog
Twitter: @hutchingsjulie
http://www.booksofthedeadpress.com
You can email Julie at undeadduo (at) hotmail (dot) com or follow her on Twitter.

JulieHutchings

 


Beautiful People: Character Interviews – Isla Blackman

Beautiful peopleToday’s Top Ten Tuesday topic didn’t work for me, so I’ve decided to reject that reality and substitute my own. The Notebook Sisters’ Beautiful People is a new meme designed to help writers (and anyone that reads the writers’ blogs!) learn about their characters.

So here are ten questions about Isla Blackman, she of Isla’s Inheritance fame. (Fame? Just go with it.)

What is their full name and is there a story behind why they got it? 

Isla Rose Blackman. Isla is a Scottish name and, although she has no Scottish heritage that she knows of, her parents met in Edinburgh. And roses were her mother’s favourite flower, or so her father told her once. Her mother died giving birth to Isla, so she doesn’t know for certain.

How old are they, and when were they born?

She is 17 at the start of Isla’s Inheritance, although her birthday is a week later. She was born almost eighteen years ago. (I originally finished the novel three years ago so it was eighteen years before that…but it’s a sliding scale till release day!)

Describe their physical appearance. (Bonus questions: 1. What is their race/nationality/ethnicity? 2. Do you have a picture of them? If so, include it!)

Isla is 5′ 4″ with brown wavy hair, usually worn in a ponytail, and brown eyes. She has pale skin and burns easily. Her father is English and her mother’s heritage is a bit of a mystery, but she’s where Isla got her looks from.

Jenna-Louise Coleman, who looks a lot like I imagine Isla would. (Source.)

Jenna-Louise Coleman, who looks a lot like I imagine Isla would. (Source.)

Describe your character’s personality first in one word, and then elaborate with a few sentences.

Pragmatic. Isla was raised by her father to have a sceptical, logical mind. She never really got into crystals, ghosts and incense when her cousin Sarah did. The fact she agrees to participate in a seance at all is only because Dominic wanted to, and he’s hot. 😉

What theme song(s) fit their personality and story arc?

This song is the hardest one here, because I don’t write to music, so I don’t automatically associate my characters with music. All I can think of are parts of Wake Me Up by Evanescence, except the person that song is about is coming from a much darker place than Isla is so it’s not quite perfect.

Which one of the seven deadly sins describes your character?

None of them, really; she’s a lot more complex than that. She has moments of sloth, envy, lust, wrath and pride. Not really much gluttony to speak of, although she does love her coffee. Who doesn’t?

If they were an element (fire, water, earth, air), which one would they be?

Earth.

What is their favourite word?

“Sorry!”

Who’s one person they really miss? (It could be someone who’s passed away, or someone they’re not close to anymore, or someone who’s moved away.)

Isla never met her mother, but she misses the idea of having a mother more than anything, even though her Aunt Elizabeth has been a surrogate mother, especially since Isla moved in with her aunt and two cousins when she started high school. (Her dad lives on a farm an hour out of Canberra, so it was easier for Isla to move than to commute all the time.)

What sights, sounds, and smells remind them of that person?

None, really, because she has no basis for comparison. She hasn’t even seen a picture of her mother. It wasn’t her idea to try and summon her at the seance, and afterwards she wishes it had never been suggested…

 

Isla_ouija_board


Excerpt and giveaway: ‘Tore Divided Love’ by K. D. Ferguson

tore blitz banner

Tore Divided Love
by K.D. Ferguson

Release Date: 6 June 2014

A future set in stone.For eighteen year old Krissa Channing a government ruled pairing with Braiden Connor and a move to Headquarters were her set fate. Until Braiden’s sudden disappearance threatens Krissa’s entire future.

After months of endless worry, Krissa has an unexpected meeting with Duke, a perfect suitor that could offer her the future she’s always dreamed of. Just when she begins to regain hope, Braiden returns.

Now, Krissa must find where her heart truly lies. Torn between two loves, she must decide which of their worlds she belongs in. But is such a decision even possible when the choice rests between freedom and love?

Add to Goodreads | Book One on Goodreads

Excerpt

“I wasn’t ready.”

“Ready for what?”  The enforcement was stern with his questions, simple and to the point.  He was certainly not trying to make small talk.

“To be paired.  I freaked out a little.  I needed to see what a Single’s life was like.”  Braiden’s responses flowed out of his mouth with such fluidity.

“And you thought the best option was to run away to find your answer?  We would have granted you access.”

Braiden made no reply, and instead remained eerily quiet.

“Well, what did you find, Mr. Connor?  That the Sweeper life isn’t a desirable one?  That one is much better off following our rules and regulations?”

“A Sweeper’s life is not what I want.”

Although he was saying everything I’d always wanted him to say, something about it was off. He responses seemed so rehearsed.

“I wasn’t thinking clearly.  I’m sorry for any trouble I caused.  It won’t happen again.”

“It better not.  You’ve been assigned to this district, and you have been paired with Krissa.  You’ll be on probation for the next year, which means one slip up and you’ll be in the Sweeper unit permanently, or worse.  Understood?”

“Yes Sir.”  This time he wasn’t mocking the officer.  He looked ashamed.

“Krissa, do you agree to these terms?”  Did I really have another option?  If I didn’t agree, I could end up single, but would a life with Braiden make me happy?  Yes, I still loved him, but how was I to let him ease back into my life after all the hurt he caused?

Giveaway

Enter to win HERE!

About the author

KD FergusonI have recently released my first book, Torn-True Love, published by Rebel Ink Press. I am thrilled to be a part of the family! Blog | Goodreads | Twitter | Facebook


Versatile blogger blog hop: seven things about me

versatileMany thanks to Debbie Vega, who nominated me for the Versatile Blogger award. I’m physically restraining myself from putting quotation marks around the word award in the previous sentence, though, because I didn’t get a medal to hangon the wall or anything. That being said, I always love a good blog hop. So here are the rules:

Thank the person who gave you this award. — Done!

Include a link to their blog. — Done!

Nominate 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award and include a link to their site. — See below.

Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself. — See below.

Nominations

Ok, so here are my fifteen nominations. Wait, fifteen?! No, I’m doing seven, because it has a nice parallel with the number of things about me. And because I’m drafting this at night after a long day, and I’m falling asleep! If, however, you read this and think, hey, I’d like to do that blog hop but she didn’t tag me, let me know in the comments and I’ll add you in. Because eight is a good number too. When I was a kid it was my favourite. Now my favourite is thirteen, because I’m contrary.

Ahem. Anyway. I’m nominating these seven because a) I want to know seven things about you, and b) if this were a proper award, with champagne and stuff, you would totally deserve it. If you decide to participate yourselves, please link your blogs back here so I don’t miss the stalking post!

  1. The first is fabulous human bean (I’ve been reading the BFG to my son!), occasional beta reader and wonderful writer, Stacey Nash. Stacey writes speculative fiction. Her stories have a lot of adventure, a good dose of danger, and a smattering of romance (and KISSING!).
  2. As well as also being a fabulous human bean, Lauren McKellar is one of the best editors I know — and given I’m a professional editor by day (and a CRIME FIGHTER by night!) I know quite a few. Lauren describes her first love as writing books that make you feel, by which she means you will need ALL OF THE TISSUES when you read her books. I think she may have shares in Kleenex.
  3. Emily Mead is another Aussie Owned and Read blogger, and is one of the smartest, funniest teenagers I know. She and I disagree on the use of brackets vs en rules for the insertion of paranthetical statements, but don’t bring it up; it’s a touchy subject. Still, watch this girl. She’s going to go far!
  4. Chynna-Blue Scott is hilarious, sarcastic, talented, and looks like she should be an actress in an urban fantasy movie of some kind. Seriously. Also, I suspect she might have a thing for this band called Fall Out Boy? It’s just a vibe I’m getting.
  5. Fellow Whovian Pippa Jay writes scifi. Like Stacey’s books, hers don’t require a degree in astrophysics to follow along (although maybe her experience as a lab chemist helps her write them!), and they also have kissing. It’s all good by me!
  6. The hilarious Julie Hutchings is friendly, open, also sarcastic, and did I already mention hilarious? She understands my coffee addiction, since she has one of her own. This makes us soul mates. Also, she writes about Japanese vampires.
  7. Holly Kench likes to pretend she is the owner of a cat when clearly it’s the other way around. But I suspect that’s true of most cat owners! She believes feminist isn’t a dirty word (she’s right about that, by the way), and her comics make me giggle.

Seven things about me

One. I am supremely clumsy. If all the clumsy people in the world got together on an island, I would be their Supreme Leader (which, by the way, best job title in the world). My crowning glory in winning this achievement is the time that my trip to Italy was cancelled after I fell off a giant hat in Spain. True story. I was going to go to Venice and Pompeii and everything. *sniff*

Gulliver's Hat, from the outside.

Beware of Spaniards bearing giant hats.

Two. The original reason for my clumsiness is that my vision is rubbish — the follow-on reason is that once you twist your ankle a certain number of times, the ligaments and whatnot just give up the ghost. But back to the vision thing: without my glasses I’d bump into walls. Or fall off them. As well as being chronically shortsighted, my vision is uneven too, so my depth perception isn’t great — I have enough that I can drive a car but not enough that I don’t fall off giant hat. Apparently.

Three. I would be a cat person if I could, because cats suit my extreme laziness. They’re easily housebroken and slothful, like me. I even have a cat tattoo. Unfortunately, my immune system treats them as the hostile invaders they are, so I am not a cat person. Instead, I am a dog person. But not a puppy person. I have a puppy at the moment, and although he is growing more tolerable as he gets older, the puppy phase is so trying.

My tattoo may look cute, but I'm pretty sure it's plotting something. Look at those eyes!

My tattoo may look cute, but I’m pretty sure it’s plotting something. Look at those eyes!

Four. I’m an Aries. If you believe these things, that means I’m stubborn, goat-like and enjoy eating grass and headbutting others. Or something. I was also born in the Year of the Dragon, so if I get indigestion, watch out I don’t breathe fire on you. (Since Aries is also a fire sign — goats being known for playing with lighters — that is twice as likely.)

Five. I am a single mother. I didn’t start out that way, but life twisted and turned like a twisty turny thing, and here I am. My son has just turned five, and he’s the most adorable, precocious, hilarious, frustrating little human in the world. I love him to bits, naturally.

My boy

I think he wants a tattoo too. Eek!

Six. Since I probably won’t have any more children, I shall instead have book babies (a phrase that if you think about it too hard is actually a bit gross). The process of producing a book from conception to final realisation — when you get to hold the book and pat its cover and change its nappy — takes a hell of a lot longer than having a regular kind of baby. But my books don’t backchat. Much.

Seven. My first ever band crush was when I was in my early teens. It was New Kids on the Block. Because at the time I was deaf to the offensiveness of 90s synth music, and mullets were cool. Now my favourite instrument is the violin or the human voice. Several of them, in harmony — instruments optional. Aww, yeah.